would be purrfect for me, love the kitty’s. Downton Abbey one of my...I Was Them
When I was in my junior year of college, I wanted a dog. I had rented a small cottage and felt it was time to add a pet to my life. My friends and professors at school had told me about the policies regarding adoption at the local shelter – few of which I could meet. Being a “resourceful” student, I carefully dotted my I’s and crossed my T’s and found ways in which to “meet” the adoption criteria.
I went to the shelter and walked through the adoption area. It was there that I met him… He was a big, furry, blue-tongued orange boy with a lower canine protruding from his bottom jaw. In my eyes, he was absolutely gorgeous. I met with the adoption counselor and pulled out my file. I had my landlord approval (not real), pictures of my fence (not mine)… you get the picture. After reams of paperwork and tons of closed-ended questions that I carefully answered, I was on my way home with my recently neutered 3-year-old chow mix, Benny.
Benny was the bomb! He was kind, independent and, for the most part, level-headed. Now, he did have his issues: He tried to attack anyone over 5’10” and had extreme thunderstorm phobia – but that did not stop me from thinking he was the best dog ever. We conquered the 5’10” issue fairly quickly (I dated tall guys), but the thunderstorm phobia was another issue. It was so extreme he would literally jump through plate glass windows, tear down doors, and destroy crates in storms. (Benny helped me to decide to become a Ph.D. behaviorist, by the way!)
Benny traveled across the country with me, “redecorated” many a living space, met, loved and said goodbye to many a boyfriend of mine, cost me thousands of dollars in repairs (imagine the bill at that rental that did not allow pets when I was in college!), and thousands in medical bills (did I mention the poor hips?). I loved him so much.
Years buzzed by and I had acquired a position as curator of behavior at a zoo in Kansas, developed SAFER, conducted research on canine assessments, got married, and bought a house with lots of property for horses and dogs. Benny’s hips and heart were failing him, and as much as I did not want to face it, I had to – it was time to euthanize Benny.
My vet kindly came to our home, and I called Benny to me. He settled his head on my lap, my tears plopping onto his faded orange head, and looked at me with those very same brown eyes that he captured me with all those years ago at that shelter. My heart shot to my throat as I thought to myself that if I had not been so resourceful – frankly, if I had not lied when I went to adopt him all of those years ago – Benny would have never been part of my life. Let’s be realistic… he was a 3-year-old chow mix in a NY shelter in the 80’s. He likely would have been euthanized in that shelter instead of in his home after a long and full life.
I think I was a pretty good home for Benny, even though I did not meet the criteria of a “good adopter” by the standards of that facility. I was a college student, in a rental, no fence, no job. There were things I did not do perfectly. It still hits me in the gut to think that when Benny had jumped through the 3rd window during a storm, I had to find a way to keep him from running potentially into the street while I was at school – so I tied him up outside for a few hours in a pinch to take a final. Because the shelter was the place that did not see my adopter potential, I did not see their potential as a resource. They could have helped me find a better solution had we been open to each other.
While I was not the “perfect adopter,” I was the right adopter for Benny. My experience acquiring and bonding with Benny was the inspiration for the Meet Your Match program – which dispatches with hard, fast policies and adoption applications and instead focuses on conversation-based adoptions designed to help anyone walking into your shelter feel respected and anyone walking out more educated.
We were them. I was them. The “them” of the not-perfect adopters… the uneducated, the odd, the not us. They too love animals. They too want (and will get – if not from you, from somewhere else) a pet to care for. Once we open our hearts to the human animal as much as we do the nonhuman animal, we will save more lives and help create a more humane community.
Tea party with Benny
I have told the Benny story in workshops and in consults with shelters around the country – and there are always a couple of folks at every telling who were either denied a pet at a shelter or schemed to get one. What is your story?
Tags: Adoption Marketing, Adoption Programs, ASPCA Meet Your Match, Behavior & Enrichment, Euthanasia, Saving Lives
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Brenna Jennings Says:
As a recent member of the ‘general public’ and also an adopter (x3), I’ve been in the same shoes. We lived in a city condo when we adopted our first dog and found plenty of hoops we had to leap through in order to be approved for adoption or at the very least, not beat out by someone who looked better on paper. It would have even been helpful then if resources like Petfinder.com (where we found Henry) used a uniform application. We filled out so many.
Thousands of dollars in medical bills and hundreds of indoor ‘accidents’ later, Henry is still thriving with us. He’s learned to share his space with two furry – and one new human – roommates, and we look forward to many more years with him.
Kathleen McDonald Says:
I adopted my cat, Eugene, after losing a cat who got hit by a car. Eugene was a goofy, double-pawed tabby kitten, still blue-eyed. I told the adoption counselor he would be an indoor/outdoor cat. The counselor said, “You just had a cat hit by a car, and you still plan to let this cat go outdoors?” but she let me adopt him anyway.
I took her words to heart, and decided to keep Eugene indoors. He grew into a huge, goofy, double-pawed adult, and we shared three homes in two states over 19 years. He never went outside and never missed it.
There are probably many other adopters like me, who just need information, not rules, to do the right thing by our animals. I didn’t enter that shelter as an ideal adopter, but I left the building with my kitten and information that made me a better adopter.
I’m so grateful to that counselor for raising the outdoor issue with me — and for letting me adopt Eugene despite my shortcomings. Eugene was the first of many shelter animals who have come into my life. I wonder if that would have happened had that first adoption counselor turned me away.
Heather Says:
Excellent story to share on the blog. Despite hearing this story a couple of time, I still get a little teary when hearing it. It is such a powerful message for folks to hear- especially the shelters that have such tight requirements. In the shelter world most of us have at least one dog, and most of work over 8 hours a day, travel, many of us don’t have big fenced in yards….yet we make it work. I think most of us give our animals a great enriching life despite our “shortcomings”. We have immense love and passion for those we share our life with,and we just find ways to make it work.
Why can we not extend that same framework and expectation to an adopter in front of us? Why do so many folks in a shelter world feel that the general public is the enemy and can not provide for the dog/cat/bird in the same way that they could? It’s time to get over ourselves and start saving lives!
Emily Weiss Says:
Brenna – You bring up a great point that the opinion one makes based on an application can really cause great adoptions to be missed… I am glad you found your Henry!
Emily Weiss Says:
Kathleen – What a great positive story of the education that can happen when we look beyond the piece of paper and see an individual!
Melissa Kelly Says:
What a great story! I am also one of those “bad” adopters — I was turned away from a cat adoption agency in my hometown while in college, and 14 years later, the kitten I then had to buy at a pet store is still with me. I was also turned away and frankly turned off by an adoption counselor at the ASPCA years later when I had decided it was time for a dog. I instead went to the city’s local shelter, the CACC, and rescued Grover, who is the best dog ever (in my humble opinion). While I did not lie in order to adopt my dog, I was turned away for not looking perfect on paper to one organization… The counselor’s personal opinion (which she shared with me) that cats and dogs never get along certainly did not help my opinion of her, and I could tell that she was not going to let me adopt a dog from the ASPCA based on that opinion alone. Having a more open, individual case criteria system makes so much more sense.
Laura G Says:
Emily, I cannot thank you enough for writing this blog. I’ve worked in sheltering for more than a decade, and the one story that I tell over and over, til I am blue in the face, is the story of my first cat. I wandered into a shelter years before my sheltering career, and wanted a cat – wanted him now, wanted him neutered or not, wanted him immediatly. I didn’t want the suggestions from the adoption staff, I didn’t want them to call my landlord (which was why I gave them my friend’s # instead) and I definitly did not want anyone to even think of denying me THAT cat – the one I wanted.
I did end up with the cat I wanted, and he was neutered, and he was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. The adoption counselor worked with me, talked to me about waht I was looking for, and took the time to listen to me, and educate where needed. She knew I was excited about adopting my first animal on my own, and never once judged me as a dumb young college kid with a Ramones shirt on. Elyse – she did just what you mention – she encouraged me from the start without judgement.
That cat became my inspiration for getting a job in a shelter, and the reason I stuck to it for this long. But what he gave me more than anything was a vehicle to speak to new staff, new volunteers (even some veteran folks!) about the importance of listening, and of making the right match for the pet– we’re not conducting BFF interviews, we’re finding homes for pets and companions for people.
thank you for writing this — I’m sharing the link with my collegues.
Emily Weiss Says:
Laura! What a great story! And what a great adoption counselor – to motivate for the adoption and respect you beyond the first impression or the policy. Ramones? Really?
Kelly Says:
I’d always begged my parents for a cat, another dog, more animals in general and I was always met with “no, one dog is plenty.” So during my Junior year in college I decided I was independent enough to get a pet of my own. When I visited the shelter, I was told, just moments after entering, that I was not allowed to adopt because campus housing had a no pet policy. They waved their hands in the air and refused to hear my explanation (I didn’t live in campus housing), so I left. I went to the vet’s office and found several “free to a good home” ads. I went home and called every number. It was a Saturday morning and I was determined to get a cat that same day. And, I did. Maximus just celebrated his 9th birthday and he’s lived with me in 2 different states and 8 different apartments. He brings so much joy to my life and reminds me every day how blessed we are to have animals in our lives – he inspired me to take my love of animals and turn it into a career choice. I’ve been working in animal welfare for the last 6 years.
Emily Weiss Says:
Kelly – College is such a powerful time to add a pet to your life. I wonder what programs shelters are putting in place to help young adults (just like we were)obtain dogs and cats. Just think of development of a more humane community…
Pune Dracker Says:
This is Pune Dracker, Shelters’ Edge editor at your service. You may have noticed that we deleted a comment from this post, as it violated our comment policy. In the spirit of trust and transparency, we are working very hard to create an environment on our blog in which we can all learn, and are being very careful about posting comments that are negative about other organizations. You can find our comment policy here: http://www.aspcapro.org/blog/comment-policy/. If you have any questions, email me at puned@aspca.org.
ASPCA Adoption Center Says:
Hi Melissa,
Here at the ASPCA Adoption Center your comment struck a chord because so many of us have “multi species households” ourselves! And we love watching our dogs and cats enjoy each other! We would hope that our staff and volunteer Adoption Counselors would all be equally accepting of this, but unfortunately it sounds like during your experience with us this was not the case- and for that we are truly sorry. We are happy that you found Grover and we are thankful for your “wake-up call” to all of us to remind the folks who work with adopters here that, true to the “Meet Your Match” program, there is a suitable match for everyone- whether it be dog, cat or both!
Trish McMillan Loehr Says:
In 1988 I was “them” too. I was weeks away from finishing my degree and preparing for a wonderful summer job training miniature horses in midwestern Ontario. I’d had dogs and horses all my life, training and taking impeccable care of them, and after four years of university I was dying to have a dog again.
I didn’t even make it to the shelter. I called the Toronto Humane Society to see what I’d need to do to adopt a dog and they were unbelievably unwelcoming on the phone. Student? Renter? Occasionally away from home for more than four hours (seriously)? You won’t meet our adoption qualifications, don’t even bother coming in.
So I didn’t. I moved to the West coast after that summer and bought a Dalmatian from a breeder. Luckily, Indy was a really brilliant and friendly Dal, who learned obedience and agility and was a great therapy dog. When our vet mentioned that the local shelter had euthanized some Dalmatians who couldn’t find homes, I had an immense pang of guilt for that shelter dog I couldn’t adopt years before, and decided I needed to start volunteering. This led to a training apprenticeship, many adopted and fostered dogs, a Master’s degree in animal behavior (there were some troubled dogs of my own in that saga too, Emily!) and eventually a great job at the ASPCA.
I wonder how different my life might have been if I’d been resourceful enough to give the right answers so I could adopt a dog the first time around.
Bunni Vaughan Healy Says:
I really loved this article. I took a lot of heat a few years ago for not having a standard application for the poodle puppies I was breeding. I screened applicants very well but I’ve always found that my own answers never fit the standard questions and I didn’t want to do the same to some good potential doggy parents. I too have a dog adoption story that includes lying to the shelter folks and keeping the dog for a very long healthy life (and becoming a dog “expert” of sorts and champion of rescue as a result of her) As I write this she is 14+ years old and her full story (and lots of pics) are on her facebook page: Deva Lennon (American Eskimo)
Tricia Says:
I was a college student in Boston in the early 90′s. I wanted a cat and I wanted to adopt. I knew, because my mom had taught me, that I could get a great cat already altered at a much reduced price than it would cost me to take care of myself. I went searching for an adult cat, not a kitten. I was denied by not 1, not 2 but 3 shelters because I was a student. Guess I should have lied.
I wanted a cat, so I turned to the paper and got myself a 6 month old free to good home cat. She is now 19 years old. She was altered immediately (I lived on Ramen for a few months). She has since had her thyroid irradiated, seen a Cornell surgeon when she developed a tumor (lots more Ramen), gets sub-q fluids every other day and has had a surgery to repair a hernia and has never been late for her annual vet visit, now semi-annual since she is a senior. Seems like I was a good home and there were 3 cats who really missed a great opportunity for a great home due to the policies of the shelters.
This experience really soured me on shelters for a long long time. I knew I was a good person and a good pet owner. It wasn’t until 5 years ago when I struck up a conversation with a board member from my local shelter and she convinced me to come visit them that I changed my mind. I now serve on the board for that shelter and work every day to remind our staff that “I was them.”
Donna Apgar Says:
Thanks for an inspiring story. I printed this article and posted it at our adoption facility.